I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
