Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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