i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
