kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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