the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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