but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
