i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
