i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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