So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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