I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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