Screwed.edu
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
