Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
