the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
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It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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