yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
