Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
