It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize