But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
