My friends, they love my intelligence
Ambien. No doubt about it.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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