party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I faked an abortion last night.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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