You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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