question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
