is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
