Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the day after is always just damage control
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
