my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
