Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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