Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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