How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
3 2 1 whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize