do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
