What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
