either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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