filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
