you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
