thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
