I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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