last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
