Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
