Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
