I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
