He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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