Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
