Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
