he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
should my penis look like a turkey
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
