she looked like the before picture.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
