i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well I just put wine in my tea
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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