What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
