my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
MIDGETS
????
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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