Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
