tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
