My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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