Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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