I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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