and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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