did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
