Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
