so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
