Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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