Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
