The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
