You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
