my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
