I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
