i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
