i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
