i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize